Ice Skating can be Bad for You
by Edakumi
Summary: What happens when Momiji invites most of the Sohma clan and Tohru ice skating? Who will also be there? Find out!
1. A surprise visit

1The cute but oh-so-short 16 year-old trotted through the fancy, neat little kitchen, humming a familiar tune as she went. She tossed different ingredients into a boiling hot wok and flipped the contents around. After about a minute of flipping and tossing, she turned the heat down and carefully placed the now deliciously cooked treats into a ceramic bowl, and placed it neatly on a low table.

"Shigure-san! Kyo-kun! Sohma-kun! Your meal's ready!" she cried cheerfully. She quickly took off her small apron and stood by the table when she heard the answer, "Thank you, Tohru-kun, we'll be right there!" in Shigure's voice.

And sure enough, Tohru Honda heard footsteps coming not long after Shigure had spoken. She turned around to see them, each in their unique outfits. Kyo in a casual, collarless shirt with baggy pants, Yuki with a neat shirt and slack-like, well, slacks, and Shigure in his usual traditional kimono. Tohru smiled at them, glad to see they all had a good night sleep. And she was glad of their company.

They all sat down, and just as everyone expected, Yuki and Kyo started fighting. Fighting about whatever they thought was worth fighting for. Clothes, people, school, rooms, you name it. And, of course, it always involved Kyo yelling "Damn Rat!" and Yuki making a calm remark ending in "Stupid Cat", which got Kyo even more fired up. It might of resulted in a fight, but their was a sudden knock on the door.

"Coming!" Tohru yelled. She stood up and quickly pattered over to the door and opened it, all while smiling her cheerful smile.

"Tohru!" someone yelled cheerfully in a childish voice, and Tohru only had a second to think before she felt small arms around her skinny waist, heard a "POOF!" and saw a small, cute rabbit hopping on her head.

"Momiji! What the hell are you doing here!" Kyo yelled, his face red and his cat ears laid back in anger.

"I've come to give Tohru a biiig surprise!" He said cheerfully, his pointed ears swaying back and forth. Yuki slowly walked to where Tohru, Kyo, Momiji were, and with no trace of a smile on his face, asked "Hello, Momiji. What's the surprise?"

But just before the Rabbit could answer, there was another "POOF!", an "Eep!" from Tohru, and a naked Momiji appeared, still hopping around.

"The surprise is–"

"That you need to get some clothes on before you continue!" Kyo finished, glaring down at a bare Momiji.

"Okay!" he answered back in his normal sing-song voice, and then trotted off with his odd wardrobe for the day.


	2. The plan

**Author's note: I'm new at this stuff, so don't freak out if I do something wrong... .O**

* * *

"The surprise is that I'm gonna take Tohru...ICE SKATING!" the freshly dressed Momiji said with a wide enough smile to be in a magazine add selling toothpaste.

"Wow! Thanks, Momiji!" Tohru said with a sincere smile. "I can't wait! I've never been ice skating before!" But Momiji wasn't finished.

"And Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki are coming, as well as Hatori, Haru, Ayame, Kagura, (A large "Gulp" from Kyo could be heard) and Kisa!" He said, his smile wider and his silly voice ringing out. "But the rest couldn't come. They were busy..." his smiled dimmed a little, but quickly shot back into full volume intensity.

"But you still haven't learned that you can't decide for people, damn kid!" Kyo snapped. "I'm not gonna come!"

"Aww, Kyo. But I thought you'd want to see Tohru's skirt flying up if she fe–" Momiji couldn't finish his sentence before Kyo had set his mind to throttling him.

"Kyo-kun, please stop!" Tohru cried, but Kyo wasn't listening. A quick swish of Yuki's hand and Kyo had let go of the crying Momiji, for all of Kyo's aggressive attention was now making a bee-line for the Rat.

"Damn Rat! I'm gonna beat you!" he started towards the still calm Yuki, but was forced to stop when Shigure appeared, smiling his usual ha-ha-you-can't-tell-what-I'm-really-thinking smile and said cheerfully, "Oh, ice skating? How am I supposed to go ice skating in a kimono?"

"You're not, idiot." stated Kyo in an annoyed matter-of-fact kind of voice.

"Well, looks like I'll have to go shopping. Hey, Tohru, want to come with me and help me dress?"

"NO," both Kyo and Yuki answered for her, their eyes narrowing, while Momiji sat smiling and watching the group's characters bounce off of each other. Tohru sat down with a nervous smile on her face and a sweatdrop on her forhead, while Shigure just shrugged, and then bid the kids a farewell and went back to his room to write. Or God knows what else. -sweat-

So it was decided that everyone would go ice skating the following day, not knowing what events would take place at the rink.

* * *

**Ack. I don't know how this story is going to end! I guess I'll just let the character's emotions fight w/ each other, and then end the story some how. Hope you review! (And like my story...)**


	3. We're here, now what? Oh, crap

**Author's note: These chapters are very short for now, and they may or may not get longer. Sometimes these things annoy me, but I guess, in that case, I'll have a lot of chapters. Enjoy! .**

* * *

After eating a filling breakfast, Tohru, Kyo, Yuki, and Shigure (who was wearing, surprisingly, a normal, casual outfit) traveled by foot over to the Main House, where they immediately saw Hatori, Haru, Ayame, Kagura, and Kisa patiently waiting for the four to arrive. They all were dressed very warmly, with a few layers each on.

Everyone there had different reactions. Soon Kyo was running wildly from the raging Kagura, who was screaming in a rough voice, "Loooooove!", Momiji and Kisa were cheerfully saying their greetings to Tohru, while Ayame was just flirting with her, Yuki was trying to stop Ayame from doing such things, while Haru was all over Yuki. Shigure and Hatori were standing off in a corner with sweatdrops on both of their heads while watching the loud commotion. Finally, after everyone had calmed down (and Kagura had settled to hanging on Kyo's shoulder, much to his annoyance) Shigure announced that they would need to drive down to the ice skating rink, which, by the way, was a frozen over pond specially reserved for the local skaters.

Then came the problem of getting everyone in a car. After all, there were eight people. Finally it was decided that (with Tohru's help) Yuki, Kyo, Ayame, and Momiji would be changed into their Zodiac animals so that there would be enough room left for everyone else to sit down. Somehow, everyone who was transformed got to sit on Tohru's small lap (so that they wouldn't accidentally change back) and they all started on their way.

"Whee! Going ice skating, ice skatin', ice skating!" Momiji sang happily. He, much to Kyo's despair, sang this the whole way, and hogged most of the lap room with his jumping around.

"Damn kid..." he mumbled angrily. Finally the car slowly stopped on the edge of the street, and there was a new problem to solve. How to get everybody to change back.

"Uh, Honda-san, how are we supposed to do this...?" Yuki questioned with a nervous voice. Tohru realized that she would have to carry everyone to an alley way or something. And their clothes. Fortunately, Shigure was there to help. And so was Haru.

"Ugh, finally we get this all worked out..." Yuki said with an irritated sigh.

"I'm sorry! I should of said that we could take another car or something..." Tohru started panicking, but Yuki stopped her.

"Come on, you know that it wasn't your fault, Honda-kun. Besides, we're here! Let's go!" he said smiling that rare smile.

* * *

After everyone got on ice skates, they all went out on the ice in small pairs. Of course Kagura was with Kyo, Shigure with Hatori, and so on. It started out great. Until...it happened.

You know that there's a lot of people who show up on Saturdays, but this was never expected. Especially for poor Yuki. Their horrid voices pierced the open air.

"Yuki-kun!" said a flowery voice.

"Oh, shit..." And there they were. The fan girls. The members of the dreaded-by-most _Yuki Sohma Fan Club._

* * *

**When I was uploading this story on to here, I got all stressed out about stuff like having Chapters 2 and 3 in one chapter here. Stuff like that. I know it hasn't been but five or so minutes since I put these here, but I laugh at myself now. **

**And here's a friendly reminder reminding you to REVIEW! NOW! Just kidding...**


	4. Evil Fan Girls and then some

**Note: These chapters are short, I know, and I'm sorry. . Don't kill me...**

* * *

Oh! I forgot... 

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Fruits Basket, or it's awesomely cool characters. Those belong to the one and only genius who has created this beautiful manga. -bows-

Now, back to the story...

* * *

"Yuki-kun! Who are these people with you?"

"Yeah! Who's that cute guy over there?"

"And there?"

"Introduce us, Sohma-kun!" This kept going on and on, until Tohru was noticed.

"Ewww...is she annoying you? I'm sorry, Yuki-kun. We'll dispose of her!" Tohru backed up a bit, or as much as she could on the slick ice, and they started towards her, when, fortunately, when Kyo and Yuki stepped in.

"No," Kyo said, wishing that those damn girls would just leave them alone. And at the same time Yuki was saying:

"Senpai, you are not to do anything to Honda-san..." The girls all gave Tohru a nasty look that might of curled chowder, and then went off skating again. But they'd be back. Oh yes, they'd be back.

In fact, they came back not five minutes later, after Tohru had fallen on the ice six times, and three of those times Yuki had helped her up. That, to the Fan Club, was illegal.

"She's too filthy to touch his hand!"

"The witch is possessing him! I know it! Why else would he help her?"

"And why would Kyo-chan help her? It's like she's possessing them both! We must get past that Hanjima girl and destroy her!"

"Yeah!" And with that, they heard a familiar voice behind them.

"Get past Hanajima, eh? You're forgetting me..." Terrified, the group of snobby girls turned around. There, tall and Yankee-ish as ever, stood Arisa.

"Ahh! What the hell are you doing here! Is that freako wave girl here with you!" The fan club immediately regretted saying that, because out of nowhere popped up Hanajima.

"You rang?" she asked in her calm, dark voice.

"AAAAHHH!" The large group of fan girls were soon gone, leaving only a small puff of anime smoke.

"Well, that takes care of that..." Arisa said slowly. "And without violence, too." The pair slowly skated off to go see Tohru.

* * *

"Tooohru! See? I can skkaaaate!" Exclaimed two voices in unison.

**BAM.**

"Shigure-san! Momiji-kun! Are you alright?" Tohru exclaimed in a worried voice. The dog and rabbit were sprawled out on the thick ice, both with lumps on their heads.

"Wah..Tohru! Look at this!" Momiji cried. Shigure just sat, holding his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but Yuki knew it would be perverted, so he clamped it shut. After hearing the commotion and the sound of heads hitting ice, Kisa quickly skated over.

"Onee-chan, are they alright?" Her cute hair bobbed up and down as she said this.

**(Author's note: In fifth grade, my hair was styled EXACTLY like Kisa's. No joke. . I had never heard of Furuba then, which is even more bizarre.)**

"They'll be okay...can you do me a favor? I need a couple of icepacks." Kisa skated off to Hatori's car, which was sure to have at least _one_ icepack. Yuki had seen the whole thing, and he started to feel how very cold it was.

_'If only I could hibernate..._' Then it struck him.

"Oh, no..." Yuki said under his breath, and glided over to Tohru, who was now helping Momiji with his icepack.

"Oo..Tohru, this is cold!" Momiji whined, putting his hands to his head.

"I'll be done soon, Momiji-kun. Don't worry! Oh, Yuki-kun, what's wrong?" Tohru questioned nervously. Yuki looked a bit flustered, and that was rare. He leaned close to Tohru, and quietly said one word in her ear.

_"Ayame."_


	5. Ugh Can this get any worse? It can

**Note: I'm hoping this one will be longer, but who knows. I'll end the chapter when it seems to be at a good stopping point.**

* * *

Tohru looked a bit lost when Yuki mentioned that name, but he quickly explained.

"Honda-san, you know how my brother changes form when he gets too cold, right?" He continued on after a nod of the head from Tohru.

"Well, I think that it may be too cold for him here. If he transforms in from of everybody, well..." Yuki slowly trailed off. Tohru had finally realized what could go on if he DID change, and her face showed it. Her already huge eyes were widened to their maximum size, and she stuttered,

"Y-yes, I'll go l-look for him!". And with that, she quickly skated (though not before falling once) around the rink, calling Ayame's name.

Back where Momiji was still being tended to, Yuki starting thinking about what he would do if he found that Ayame had gone up Tohru's short skirt again. But that created different thoughts in his head.

_**Oh, crap. What if he couldn't find Tohru, and he went into someone ELSE's clothes.**_

Yuki decided to keep things quiet for now, and he immediately went off to look for his lost brother.

* * *

In another corner of the huge frozen pond, Kyo felt like he was being stalked by some girls, which made him really nervous. He occasionally glanced around, and he would of paid more attention to that matter if he hadn't been already pre-occupied. Kagura had just beaten him to a pulp, and now she was frequently apologizing while following him around. And to his disadvantage, she was surprisingly quick with skates on.

"Kyo-kun, just tell me who did this to you, and I'll kill them! Oh, it's so horrible!" she would cry, while he would just curse under his breath. Finally he yelled,

"Dammit, Momiji! Why'd you have to invite her! AGH!"

"Kyo-kun, are you okay?" Kagura asked, still holding him in a death grip. Right about now, the cat was trying to reunite with a phenomenon called "breathing".

"N...noo! I'm NOT o..okay!" he screeched, still trying to suck in air. Finally, Kagura let her "death grip" subside, and the Cat immediately pulled furiously away.

"Why do you have to be like that? Would you just freakin' LEAVE ME ALONE!" He raged on, resulting in funky glances from the non-Sohmas (and, of course, non-Tohru Hondas). He glared dangerously at them with his narrowed eyes.

"K-kyo...k-kun-n, why do you have t-to b-b-be so mean?" innocently questioned a weeping Kagura. This brought even more stares.

"Agh, don't cryyyy!" Kyo begged. As you may know, he hated to see girls cry. But just then, a small girl skated timidly up to the crying Boar, and quietly said, "Do you want me to help you?" Kagura nodded slightly.

Surprisingly, the small girl went up to Kyo, and hit him as hard as she could in the stomach.

"You were mean to Kagura-chan! Boys should never make girls cry!" she exclaimed in her small voice, which was now getting louder by the second. "You're a monster!"

The last comment got to Kyo, for, obvious reasons, and he suddenly got VERY angry.

(**Note: I was listening to some random song, and one of the lyrics stated "Everyone needs their own teenage fanclub" and I immediately thought of Yuki, and how he would strongly disagree with that statement. It made me laugh. Now, back to the story.)**

Letting his anger get control of him, Kyo stomped (or more skated loudly) over to the child, and yelled at her, "Don't call me a monster! You don't have any idea–" He was cut off by the small hands that wrapped around his waist. Kyo could only think of two things while the girl was hugging him: "What the hell just happened here!" and "Oh, crap...this isn't good..." And then there was a loud "POOF!", and there sat the Sohma Cat, orange fur and all.

The small, cute girl who had previously been hugging a teenager, was now speechless with shock. Her eyes were wide open. Kagura just stood there, not really knowing what to do, and the rest of the Sohma clan (and Tohru) skated slowly up to where the cat was now sitting.

The entire scene was silent. It seemed that nobody knew exactly what to do...and then out of nowhere...

"**DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, THE MUFFIN MAN, THE MUFFIN MAN...DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN WHO LIVES ON DRURY LANE? DO YOU KNOW...**" the singing kept going, and everyone turned around to see who was singing it. There, in the middle of all the shocked people, was a breathless Tohru, who was obviously trying to conceal the fact that a teenager had just turned into a small, orange cat.

As if this situation for the tiny, innocent girl couldn't get any weirder, Tohru came up to her and held her small hands. She continued singing as loud as she possibly could, and motioned for the girl to do so, while the other members of the group just stared, apparently amused, but also worried.

* * *

**Okay, so maybe this chapter wasn't really too much longer than the others, but I guess you guys will have to deal with it for now. I don't have much homework this weekend, so I hope I'll be able to write the 6th Chapter. x)**

**Thanks for the reviews, everyone! .**


	6. The ice Snake

"DO YOU KNOW–" Tohru, now extremely red-faced, was stopped my the little girl, who introduced herself as Aiko, as she slowly stated, "Is that the Muffin Man?" she asked, pointing to Kyo.

"Hee-hee...yes, Aiko-chan, that's the one and only Muffin Man," Tohru chuckled. She quickly picked up Kyo so that he wouldn't transform, but all the sudden Aiko started screaming.

"OH! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET THE MUFFIN MAN! I LOOOOVE MUFFINS! OOOO! MOMMY, GUESS WHAT? I MET THE Muffin Man today..." her voice trailed off as she skated happily away.

**(Note: I finally gave that damn girl a name, because it was getting on my nerves that I couldn't call her by anything.)**

"Why the hell did you tell her I was the Muffin Man! And what's with that anyways!" Kyo yelled, still in his cat form. Tohru gave him a warm smile that could melt ice, and he shut up, but not after rolling his eyes a few times.

Until now Yuki had forgotten about everything, and he suddenly yelped, "NII-SAN!" Shigure looked over at him like he had gone completely insane.

"What do you mean, Ay–" He was cut off by a happy, flowery voice.

"Miss me, brother?" Yuki expected to see a snake crawl out from somewhere, but when he didn't see one, he stated, as calmly as possible,

"Ayame, get out here right now! Or go home." Again, he heard that voice, but it was a little more powerful this time.

"You don't understand, dear brother. Look UNDERNEATH Tohru-chan." Every gaze pierced the ice that lay below Tohru's slender, shaking legs. She too, looked down to see a freezing snake slithering around UNDER THE ICE. How he survived, nobody knows. But Yuki didn't seem to be worried about his health.

"Get out from under there! Slither somewhere else!" he bellowed angrily. But the stubborn Snake refused to move an inch.

And he stuck his snaky tongue out at his younger brother. It was just a playful joke, but the result wasn't a laughing matter. (For some) You see, the Snake's thin tongue became hopelessly stuck to the bottom of the ice. People stared for a second, and then some busted up laughing at Aya's feeble attempts to remove his tongue from the bottom of the cold, wintery ice.

"Ack! Helb, me Brobbur!" He yelled. Yuki just stared and walked away, while Tohru (of course) tried her best to help him. Aaya couldn't say much, since it was very hard to talk with your tongue stuck where it shouldn't be.

Finally, when all weak attempts had failed, the Sohmas were forced to call an "outsider" to get their relative out from under his cold prison.

* * *

"Uhh...sir...exactly _how_ did this snake get under here in the first place?" Now that was a question none of the Sohmas had pondered yet. All eyes went to the Snake. He gave everyone the look that said, "Hehe...I can't talk, remember? Snakes don't talk..." Hatori put his face is his hands, while Kyo and Yuki steamed quietly. Shigure was trying not to chuckle and break the silence. Tohru's mini-van sized eyes darted innocently from the man who was going to help the Snake, to Ayame himself. Everyone else just stared, a worried expression on their faces.

"Hehe..this is going to be good," Shigure muttered under his breath. He always loved situations like this.

**(Note: If I make the characters not seem like themselves, please tell me. And slap me. I hate when people make the characters act weird, and I would like to avoid that myself. Now, back to the story.)**

"I'm n-not sure," Tohru stuttered. "But I know that we need to get him out." She had a determined look on her face, right before falling face-first on to the chilling ice.

"Oww..." She said, swirls in her eyes. When the teen tried to support herself, she found that she couldn't. Tohru's small wrist was twisted.

"Well, at least the paramedics are already here..." Kyo trailed off. Some of the others tried to explain what had happened to Ayame and Tohru, but it was hard to cover up. Especially with their stories.

"And then she slipped on pudding descending from the skies..."

"While he went to catch her, the snake dropped and was covered in pudding.."

"And it was poisonous to him, so he knew that he had to get to water to wash it off.."

"And so he magically slithered under the ice." When Shigure and Kagura were done "explaining", people just stared at them, trying to figure out if they were just joking, drunk, or completely insane. And then as if he had appeared out of thin air, Ritsu was there, yelling,

"NO! IT'S MY FAULT, I'M SORRY!" and then he skated wildly off, leaving everyone more confused.

"..." The poor men finally got the freezing snake out of the ice, and left as soon as he (and Tohru) were safe and checked. In fact, they left in such a hurry that they all fell on top of each other. I don't blame them... .;

But finally, Ayame changed back.

"POOF!"

"Eep!"

* * *

After everything was normal again, Momiji got an idea.

"Let's go get a warm drink!" He started jumping furiously around, and only stopped when Kyo smacked him.

"WAH! KYO'S HITTING ME!" he cried. Kyo started screaming at him that he would break the ice if he didn't stop being so wild.

While nervously watching the two boys fight, Tohru wondered where Haru was. She didn't have to answer, because he suddenly appeared, and he was apparently "Black".

_Oh-no...what happened? _Everyone seemed to think.

"Hey! Kyo! We never finished our last fight!" he took a small but noticeable step towards Tohru, and Kyo launched into him.

Note: Sorry it took this long. I don't really have much of an excuse except for homework. Review on! .


	7. The Old

**(Note: Damn, I'm pissed right now. So since this scene involves anger I think that I will do it. Rock on.)**

* * *

"Ha! Come on, kitty!" Haru yelled, mischievous and insane anger flaring in his eyes. _'What the hell happened!'_ Kyo wondered while swiftly dodging the attacks placed upon him, while also giving out a few.

In between hits, he managed to get out a, "What (punch, dodge) happened to (dodge) you! And why (punch) are you taking it out on me!".

Hatori, being his usual calm and collected self, stepped up to the plate, and explained what had happened.

"Well, Haru was skating, just minding his own business, and suddenly–"

"DAMMIT! SOMEONE STOLE MY TEDDY BEAR!" Everything seemed to freeze in place.

"Y-you have a teddy bear?" Kisa questioned nervously. Her cute hair bobbed up and down as she spoke. Haru turned slowly around, his eyes gleaming an unidentified color.

"Yes...I have a teddy bear. You got a problem with that!" he spat, glaring and shooting daggers from his eyes. (Not literally, of course. This is just a note to all the clueless people out there. Including me. xD )

"..." Kisa looked uncertain and quietly turned her back on Haru, not wanting to make the situation even worse. But that's just what it did.

"You turning your back on me, Tiger! What, too afraid to face me! Think I'm going to hurt you pretty little face!"he spat rudely at her, right before getting slammed in the face by Yuki.

"Hey! Don't talk to her like that! Go and apologize!" Yuki countered, making a gesture towards the small Tiger's hurt face. She had tears in her huge eyes and looked about to break down.

"You can't make me! The shrimp deserved it, having a problem with a STUFFED ANIMAL!" he growled. By now, people were giving the entire party weird looks.

"Hey, just calm down. I sleep with a kitty plushie, you know," Kagura stated shyly. Haru, turned, glared, and lifted his hand to strike when, all of a sudden...

BAM!

"Hey! Kid! What the hell do you think you're doing, huh!" demanded a pissed-looking guy. And he wasn't just any guy; he was OLD.

"Who do you think you are!" Haru shot back, fists clenched. Everyone else stood, wide-eyed, at the elderly man. He wore slick ice skates, and moved as if he was 16, despite his waist-long white beard and oval-shaped glasses. His ancient face was wrinkled, but it had a powerfully determined sense to it. Haru didn't get an answer, though, because a split second later he was being dragged off the lake by his ear, which didn't appeal to the Cow.

"Hey, where do you think you're taking me, bitch? You think you can just carry me off somewhere! Hmm?"

"Yes, in this case, I think I can! What do you think you were doing, hitting a girl! Why, back in my day..." Nobody got to hear the rest because Haru had just been dragged off, and everyone (except Tohru and Kisa) burst into laughter.

* * *

"HAHA! That'll teach him! Did you see how old that guy was? He had to be at least eighty! Haha!" Shigure exclaimed in between giggles. Ayame was laughing grandly, (as usual) and Hatori gave only a bit of a smirk.

"Hatsuharu-san..." Tohru called out nervously.

"Ah, don't worry about him."

"Oh, Kyo-kun! Are you sure? Will that man be okay?"

"Honda-san, he'll be fine," Yuki added, receiving a glare from Kyo. He shot a smirk back, while Tohru just sighed with relief.

"I hope you're right, Yuki-kun. But does Hatsuharu-san really have a Teddy Bear?" Kyo stifled a snort.

"I guess so, Honda-san. I didn't know about it..." and that was the extent of that topic. Only one would know of the millions of singing Teddy Bears in Haru Sohma's closet, and that would forever be Haru. And maybe me, the authoress. xD

"Ah! I have an idea! Let's go get some hot cocoa!" Tohru suggested, waving her arms in the air and almost falling over. Yuki and Kyo were both more focused on the unsteady girl than on getting a nice, warm treat, but Momiji wasn't.

"Tohru, that's a great idea! Hey, everybody, Tohru says we should go get hot chocolate!" Momiji announced, smiling and happily hopping.

"Ah, yes! Some hot chocolate to warm the soul!" Ayame agreed. And we all know that once Ayame and Momiji see something fit, it will happen. Therefore, it was automatically decided that the remaining gang would have some cocoa at a small stand set up at the side of the lake.

* * *

"Would you like some, Kisa-san?" Tohru politely questioned the small Tiger. Kisa nodded, smiling, and was handed a cup, along with everyone else in the large group.

"H-hai, Torhu-san. Will that man kick everyone else out of the park?" Kisa asked nervously.

"No, I don't think so. It would be unfair if he did..." Tohru trailed off. But she didn't know just how wrong she was. (Scary music plays) Tohru sipped her warm drink and the pair skated peacefully away.

About two feet from them, a zooming blur whooshed by.

"W-what was that, Onee-chan?" Kisa timidly muttered. Tohru didn't answer. Her eyes were wide open with shock.

"Onee-chan?" This caused Tohru to snap out of it.

"Ah! Kisa-san! Uh...it was probably just...a g-gust of wind! Yeah, that's right!" she replied, smiling nervously and clutching her beverage. She looked breathless, though. "L-let's go over by Kyo and Yuki. I don't want them to g-get into a fight and get kicked out," she explained and guided the Tiger over to the two boys.

* * *

"WE MUST RACE! I'LL BEAT YOU, DAMN RAT!" Kyo commanded, waving a fist dangerously close to Yuki, who had an "I-don't-care-about-this-shit" look on his face.

"You go with that then," Yuki countered. Kyo's blood boiled at this comment.

"Stop talking and race!"

"Look who's talkin'."

"Argh! Let's go!" The two started at the end of the lake and were to end at the back. Momiji became their own personal announcer.

"And they're off! Kyo looks so enraged! Maybe he should get counseling...oh, but look! Yuki pulls ahead...Kyo is catching up...ooo...he looks to be cussing out Yuki...maybe we should censor that, shouldn't we, Tohru?"

"Uh..."

"But never mind that! It's close...Yuki looks like this is no work at all! Amazing! Kyo's struggling...oh, no!" Momiji yelled as Kyo went crashing into a little old lady.

"Hey! Lady! Watch where you're going, got it!" Kyo moaned, getting up and glaring at the gray haired woman.

**(Note: Kyo didn't transform because of the fact that he hit her w/ his arms, not his torso. Just incase you were wondering...)**

"For you're info, foo', it was you who crashed into me! Watcha doin' hurting a chick like that! Love, get over here! There's a boy who needs a whoopin'!" she hollered, to the Cat's surprise.

"Oh, really? Just like that other boy I took care of! I'll handle this one easy, sweetie," came a familiar voice.

'_Uh, oh...'_ thought Tohru as an old man emerged from the gates. The very same old man who had gone and gotten rid of Haru.


	8. Bling, Plans, and Missing

**Note: Okay, so I got the next chappie out within a week! Whoop! It's partly to make up for the other chapter that I didn't get out until, like, a month or something later. **

**Special thanks to The Girly Man! Love ya! (Not that way you perv! Lol.)**

* * *

"What's YER name, boy?" the man demanded of the pissed Cat. He didn't answer, but just glared intently. "Well...? Or will I have to show you how to treat your elders!" The lady waved her purse dangerously close to Kyo's face, and he grabbed for it, but missed.

"You tryin' to steal my purse, foo'! Now that you've run into me and broken my bling!" she bellowed once again.

"B-bling...?" Kyo stammered, a terrified look in his eye. The lady glared and pulled out a broken chain. On the end of it was a gigantic golden plate that read gaudily, "Sexy Bitch". Everyone around stared, their eyes all huge.

"T-that's yours...?" Tohru looked horrified as she asked the question. After the momentary shock, Shigure busted out laughing. He rolled on the ice, cried, and did other things that made Hatori mutter "Idiot" under his breath numerous times. Little did the Dog know, the woman had now directed her attention to HIM, and not Kyo. If looks could kill, she'd be convicted of murder. She wasn't that good-looking, either.

"So you think it's funny for me to be gangsta! I can't live without my bling, homie! But I'll take care of this one, dear," she smirked, dragging a still-laughing Shigure through the snow.

"Well, that takes care of him," mumbled an amused Kyo.

"And now you! What do you think is going to happen now, huh, kid?" the man asked, glaring. Kyo thought of lots of things that could happen to him. What had happened to Haru? And who the hell was this guy! Kyo decided he should ask about that.

"Who the hell are you!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I want to know your name!"

"Well, I don't usually tell this to people, but since I'm about to kick your ass, I might as well." Kyo gave him a dirty glare at this comment, but didn't say anything after seeing the look on Tohru's worried face.

"My name is Cho!" he yelled looking a little embarrassed. This time it was Kyo who busted out in laughter.

"C-cho! Ahahaha! A girl's name! Hehe..." he laughed, wiping off the tears from his eyes. "Hee-hee..." The giggling abruptly stopped, though, when Kyo found that Cho was towering over him.

**(Note: At least to my understanding, Cho is a girl's name meaning "butterfly". If anyone knows someone w/ the name Cho and I have offended them, please tell me and I can change it! But that explains why Kyo is laughing so much...)**

"And why is that so funny? Hmm...? I'll kill you!" he screamed when Kyo couldn't stifle the new laughter bubbling up in him.

In result, the ice skating rink turned into a fighting arena. Kyo's laughter had finally subsided (thank the Lord!) and he was ready to fight for his right to stay in the rink.

"Don't think I'll go easy on you just because your old!"

"That's what I like to hear!" Cho replied triumphantly. And so the battling began. Kyo made the first attack, assuming that would be all it took, but was proven wrong; Cho had easily countered the attack, grabbed his foot, and started dragging Kyo.

"Don't think that this is over!" Kyo growled. He then got out from Cho's grip and the two continued punching and kicking and blocking until they had made their way out of the lake and onto the street.

"W-wait! Kyo-kun! You're going to far! Come back!" Tohru yelled, but no luck.

* * *

"Three down, five to go," Ayame stated with interest. "But my beloved brother will not leave! I will stay by his side FOREVER!"

"Go...away..." Yuki muttered, worn out. Hatori immediately pulled out medical supplies out of nowhere and started checking the Rat for any signs of unhealthiness.

"Stop, Hatori, I'm just tired," was Yuki's reply.

"It's my job." Neither of them noticed that Ayame has skillfully disappeared.

* * *

"My dear, dear Tohru-kun! I fear for my dear brother's life, and I would hope that you would help me in watching out for him! You'll do it? Okay!" Ayame exclaimed to Tohru all in one breath.

"Uhmm...okay," Tohru said quietly, a little dazed.

"Can I help too, Ayame-oji-chan?" Kisa asked.

"Well, I WOULD let you help, but I think that Momiji has a job for you. Run along now!" he replied, as Kisa nodded, smiled, and skated away quietly.

_'Now then, my plan is working! I only want the best for dear_ _Yuki!' _Ayame thought joyfully, strutting/ skating around the rink to bother Hatori.

* * *

'_So I need to look out for Yuki. It makes sense; that man was dangerous! But why me?' _Tohru was deep in thought as she skated. So deep in thought that she didn't notice Momiji coming up behind her.

"TOHRUUUUUU!"

"Eep! Momiji-kun, you startled me!"

"I'm sorry! I just wanted to see if you knew where Kisa was! Do you?"

"Eh? I thought...Kisa was with you! Ayame-san said that you had something for her to do..." Tohru looked confused, and Momiji mirrored her face.

"Hmm...maybe Ayame had a reason...or maybe he thought that I did. But I can't find her!"

"Let's ask if anyone's seen her. It might help!"

"Okay!" The pair were about to go and look around for the Tiger, when all of a sudden...

"Stupid woman. You don't even know how to keep track of a kid?" Momiji and Tohru, startled, turned around to see Hiro standing with his normal Hiro-like attitude. "And then you can't find her in this place? I mean, come on, it's not THAT hard! You're terrible with kids," he continued, receiving sorry looks from Tohru.

"I'm pathetic, I know...but we have to look for her! Would you like to help, Hiro-san?" Torhu asked, smiling.

"Fine. But when you fall, don't come cryin' to me for help. I don't like to be seen with stupid women who recite sermons and apologies all the time."

"O-okay!" And so it was decided; the "Great Search for Kisa" was on.

* * *

**Author's closing:**

**Okay, so this chapter was kinda scattered, I know. It's kinda setting everything up for later chapters. I'm currently looking for some ideas for scenarios, so if you have any, I may use them! I'm not OUT of ideas, just so you know. Just looking for some more. I believe in reader participation! .**

**I'll probably be getting out the next chappie AT LEAST in the next two weeks; report cards and finals are coming up. And extra-evil Algebra! xP **

**But I'll try my best to get everything written up.**

**Thanks for the reviews and support! --Edakumi .**


	9. Manipulated Kisas

**Author's Preview:**

**Sorry, I've forgotten to do this for a while. But it's been in order:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Furuba or any of the characters, plot, etc. Just Cho and his wife. And Aiko. And all other characters that _I _came up w/ that are minor. -bows-**

**Accomplishments for me: I started writing this chappie THE SAME NIGHT as I posted chapter 8. Whoop! .**

**Now to the story... -plays intro music-**

* * *

"Safety gear."

"Check."

"Map of rink."

"Che–"

"Oy! You people! For all we know, Kisa could be out there, trapped in some ice that broke beneath her, and you two are checking for stuff like "ten-foot pole"! Hurry! You're wasting time!" Hiro yelled at Tohru and Momiji.

"Silly Hiro! That's why we would need to have a ten-foot pole! If Kisa's stranded, we'd need something to reach her with. Then we could make sure we bring her back safely to her _mutti_!" Momiji smiled, still checking off items on Tohru's list.

"You're right, Momiji-kun. Hiro-san, you a bit longer; we're almost done."

"Well while you stupid, slow people keep checking off your list, _I'm_ going to go find Kisa myself!"

"Wait, Hiro-san! It's not safe!" Tohru worriedly cried. But Hiro was already gone. Momiji shrugged and turned back to the list.

"C'mon, Tohru! We've got everything, so let's go!"

"Okay! But Momiji...how did Hiro-san get here? I don't remember him coming..." Tohru looked confused, and after a second, Momiji did too.

"Hmm...I don't know, Tohru. But it's okay he's here, right? Even though he's silly...hee-hee!"

"Of course!" And the two forgot all about it.

**(About two feet away, lurking in shadows that have suddenly appeared on the reflective and sunny ice...)**

_'My identity was almost stolen! I better keep quiet...'_ thought Hiro, a.k.a Super Attitude Kid, nervously. For Super Attitude Kid had the power of knowing when his "not-so-secret crush" was in danger. **Now, back to the story.**

Just as Tohru and Momiji were about to head to the other side of the lake, a hand clasped Tohru's shoulder, and a familiar voice sounded.

"Where is my beloved Yuki, Tohru-kun? Have you seen him? It seems as if he is hiding from me...but he wouldn't do that! Our brotherly bond is too strong!"

"I'm not sure where he is, Ayame-san! I think he went that way, though..." Tohru nervously exclaimed, pointing in the direction she saw him go last.

"Thank you, dear Tohru-kun!" Ayame flattered, kissing her lightly on the cheek. Tohru blushed furiously, hiding her face in her hand. Until a while after Ayame left, she just stuttered stupidly.

"Kisa! Where are you...?" Hiro half-heartedly whispered after searching for the Tiger for a while. If he was allowed to, he'd be cussing right then. After skating around for a few more minutes, Hiro decided to go get some hot chocolate; he was freezing his butt off! On coming up on the small stand, a high pitched giggle was heard. A familiar giggle. Kisa's small laughing.

"K-kisa!" he yelled, looking bright all of the sudden. But what he saw made him stop in his tracks. There was Kisa alright, but she...didn't look too sane. In fact, she looked like someone Hiro would be ashamed to know.

"Oh! Hiro-kun! Hee-hee!" She giggled running towards him. He gawked. That's all I can say.

**(Author's Note: Lol.)**

"This nice man came up to me and offered me something he called a "spiked drink". It tasty...fizzy! Hehehehe..."

**(Author's Note (again): Yup. Partly drunk Kisa. XD But don't get offended. It's a fanfic; ridiculous, unmanga-listic things WILL happen. So don't make a big deal about it.)**

"Uh...Kisa...let's go," Hiro commanded, still a bit shocked. "Now." He finished, finally composing himself.

"Aww...but Hiro-kun, I was having fun..." Kisa protested, still being dragged off by a pissed Hiro. Kisa tried everything, but even her Tiger-eyes didn't work. So she just talked in slurred language. Over. And over. And over. Again. Well, you get the point. The girl was a bit stoned.

"Hey, stupid woman!" Hiro yelled, coming upon a clueless Tohru.

"Yes, Hiro-kun?" she answered, still a bit confused. Hiro _dragging_ a wobbly looking Kisa was rare.

"Kisa's...well...let's just say she's not bein' herself. Can you take me an' her home before she does anything drastic?"

"Of course! But...I can't drive..."

"Fine, you inconvenient woman. I'll ask Hatori."

"Hatori! I need you to take Kisa and me home! Some dude gave her a spiked drink." Hiro commanded Hatori. He just looked back, a bit shocked. But of course, he didn't show it.

"Yes. Let me get my keys." And so the three left.

"Where's Haa-san!" cried a desperate Shigure in agony.

"Well...uh...he had to take...Kisa home," answered a nervous Tohru. If she told Shigure, nobody would see the end of it!

"Hmm...but why?"

"Uhh...she...was feeling bad...yes, that's right!" And of course, Shigure didn't fall for it. And so another search began. But this time it was the search for the missing answer.

* * *

**Author Conclusion:**

**Sorry if anything in this chappie didn't make sense; I don't think I was fully awake when I wrote it! Anyways, again, I may not be updating for a couple weeks. Just keep your eyes open and me on your favorites list! XD**

**Until next time!**

**And also, I will continue thanking everyone for support and reviews.**


	10. Zombies aren't your Friends

**A/N: Chapter 10 is OUT! Whoop! -throws party-**

* * *

"Y-yukiiiii!" Shigure fake-sobbed to the annoyed Rat. Yuki just rolled his eyes and moved on. "Waaaiiiit! I want to know where Kisa-chan is! She's disappeared!" 

"Huh? Kisa's gone?" Yuki wondered aloud, wide-eyed. "Does ANYONE know where she went?"

"Well...Tohru-kun may know...but I need a favor from you! And if you're smart, you might be able to _benefit_ from the experience..." Shigure replied slyly, a dangerous glint in his dark orbs. Yuki eyed him suspiciously.

"I'm not sure I WANT to know what you have planned."

"Awww...but c'mon, Yuki...you've gotta help me..." the Dog whimpered. He did his best puppy dog eyes. And...all of the sudden...

THEY WORKED! Shigure discovered that he had...MAGICAL PUPPY DOG EYE 

POWERS! 

**(Author's Note: Oh Em Gee! XD I wasn't even planning on writing this, but all of the sudden, it popped into my head! But anyways...)**

"Yeeeesss...Shigure-sama..." Yuki replied, sticking his white, thin arms out in front of

him like in one of those cheesy horror zombie movies. Shigure, for once, was shocked, and just stood and stared, bug-eyed.

"Yuki...kun...?" he stared, but then a smirk spread wide across his face. "Hey, Aaya!

Look at this!" he shouted, motioning for the Snake to join him.

"What is it, Gure-san? My company beckons..." the Drama King drawled happily as he

glided gracefully across the beautiful ice.

"Just watch, dear Aaya." Shigure then cleared his throat and spoke clearly.

"Yuki-kun! Go hug Aaya! Now! Help your brotherly bonding..." he commanded,

winking at a puzzled Ayame, who obviously wondered what was going on. His answer came quickly.

"Yes...Shigure-sama..." Yuki drawled back, and then went over to Ayame. He flung his

arms around the normally collected and obnoxious brother. "Nii-san, I think we should very much strengthen our bond. It means much to you and Shigure-sama and I."

Shigure smirked triumphantly, and Ayame's face lit up. He, of course, laughed grandly.

"Of course, dear brother! Our brotherly bond shall be renewed!" Ayame was about to drag Yuki away, but Shigure intercepted.

"You can't have him _yet_! I have a plan..." he then whispered into the Snake's ear, and a

huge smile broke out on both of their faces.

"This will be interesting, Gure-san. When do you plan to carry this out?" Ayame

questioned.

"As soon as possible. I just have to find our flower first..." Ayame agreed and set out to find the Onigiri.

* * *

"Oh, here is the beautiful Flower!" Tohru blushed a deep red. "Dear Yuki-kun wants to talk to you! I wonder what he wants to say…." He gave her a wink, and Tohru's blush deepened. But Ayame wasn't done. "He tells _me_ this because he LOVES me! Our bonding is finally taking place! Isn't that grand?" 

"Yes, Ayame-san, that's wonderful! I hope it continues…" Tohru kept going on about how good and dandy it was until Ayame led her over to where Zombie-Yuki was.

"Yes, Yuki-kun, you wanted to see me? What is it? But I'm so glad that you and Ayame-san are getting along now!" She exclaimed, cheerfully. Yuki just nodded and cast her an empty, undead-like smile.

**(A/N: I'm really using that zombie thing a lot, aren't I! xD)**

Tohru seemed a bit worried; she was used to the big, bright smiles of Yuki, but she quickly forgot about that because the Rat spoke again.

"Well, I'll tell you once you come with me…." He trailed. Tohru just smiled and nodded politely, and then followed.

"Where are we going, Yuki-kun?"

"You'll see…."

* * *

He led her through the ice until they came upon some thick snow. "Here we are. I wanted to ask you a question. Have you seen Kisa?" 

"Ah, yes! She…well….she wasn't feeling very good, so Hatori-san and Hiro-san took her home. Why?" But Yuki didn't answer her directly.

"That can't be the reason. What _really_ happened to her, hmm?" he pried, walking closer to the girl.

"Uh, well. Um…I can't really tell you. I'm sorry. I wish I could, but I don't feel it would be right….."

"C'mon, Tohru-kun, you can surely tell _me_ anything…" Yuki replied, keeping cool and collected, while Tohru just stared in genuine shock.

_'Did he just call me TOHRU! That's so unlike him…and he's getting so close to me….I don't think this is okay. He doesn't seem like himself….! Maybe Yuki-kun is sick too! I should ask him.'_

"Yuki-kun, are you feeling alright?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, you don't normally call me Tohru, and….well….I don't know…."

"Is it a bad thing?" he retorted, moving so that they were almost touching, but not enough to transform. In the background, you could see Shigure sniggering at the girl and the controlled boy.

"N-no…it's just…odd for you…." Tohru was now tomato red from ear to ear.

"So….Tohru-kun….what happened to Kisa?" his face was now UBER close to hers.

"Uh…A MAN GAVE HER ALCHOHOL!" she nearly yelled out of panic, but Yuki put a thin finger to her lips.

"Shh…thank you." And with that, he walked off towards the Dog, leaving Tohru shocked.

_'Oh, no! I told someone! No body should of known that…I don't think it'd be right…'_

**(A/N: So I DID get to add some romantic fluff in there. Ya know, completely unmanga-listic stuff (for now) for once. xD Rock on!)**

* * *

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Are you serious! Drunk! Ehehehe…that's so funny. Thanks, Yuki-kun!" Shigure and Ayame laughed, tears rolling down Shigure's cheeks. 

"Hey, Gure-san."

"Yes, Aaya?"

"When does this control thing wear off of him?"

"Uhh….."

"…….."

"This could be a problem."

* * *

**Author's Conclusion:**

**Was it great? Grand? Shitty? Review!**

**And thanks to all my reviewers. I shall be working on the next chappie soon! .**

**A reminder:**

**Read and Review my story(s), and I'll R&R yours! .**

**See ya next time!**


	11. The Names are Called and Pigs are Flying

**A/N: Some people are now thinking that this fic is going to be Yukiru, but I must tell you now that it will probably NOT be. It might, but I didn't plan on it. Just for those of you who don't like them, or are deceived by thinking that I have an ending planned. In fact, I have no idea exactly WHAT will happen in this chapter. xD**

**This chappie WILL have more Ayame-san, and I hope I can make him like his manga character! I'm kinda nervous…. xP**

**Disclaimer (that I keep forgetting to do.): I don't anything. Except my original characters. And who are they……?**

* * *

"So you do NOT know how to lift this controlling curse off of my brother?"

"Uhh…no."

"Well…..I shall find a way to do so! He is in need! Will you join me, Gure-san?"

"Why, of course, dear Aaya!"

"Alright!" And the two headed off, in search of a solution.

"What if you scowled at him? I mean, REALLY scowled at him? Like you were SERIOUS."

"Ooo…maybe that will work. But the idea makes my heart tremble….." Ayame and Shigure kept thinking of ideas of how to make the Rat's curse go away, while sitting on a side bench near the ice, Yuki sitting stiffly next to them. He did not even move when Shigure made an ATTEMPT at a face that would make mice tremble. But maybe they do that a lot anyways….

"Well, THAT didn't work. Hey, Aaya, do know of anyone that can really get on Yuki's nerves besides you, me, and Kyo?"

"Hmmm…..well….I remember the boy in the Student Council…..Manabe…I think? Something like that?"

"Did someone call for me? Of course they did! Is Yun-yun being hopeless again….?" The pair just nodded.

"Sigh….well, he's just hopeless anyway. See? Not moving….Probably had a seamstress to make lots of fancy dresses for him when he was a little kid."** –snap-** "OWWWWW! Let go of me!"

"Stop it, then. I'm a GUY. And I don't like being made fun of."

"Yuki-kun's back! Yay!"

"And now we must give this boy a reward! What would you like us to do for you, Nabe-san?" Aaya smiled at the Vice President.

"Call Yun-yun by my for him nickname from now on!"

"Okay!"

"NO!"

"Good luck, Yun-yun."

"….Go to hell."

"Ah, hello, Yuki-kun…."

"Hello, Honda-san!" Tohru looked a bit taken aback.

"Would you like to go skate?"

"Uhh…okay." Nabe winked slyly at "Yun-yun". He just glared back.

* * *

"So…umm…" Tohru started, unsure of what to say. "What was that about, exactly?"

"Huh? What was what about?"

"Well…you know….earlier…"

"What? I…don't remember anything earlier….wait a minute. SHIGURE!" Shigure looked over to the teen and decided instantly to play innocent.

"Yes, Yuki-kun? You look upset…"

"What did you do?"

"Now, whatever do you mean?"

"You know! The last thing I remember is looking at you doing those stupid "puppy dog eyes. And I KNOW those don't work!"

"Well…about that…" Shigure went over to whisper a few words in the Rat's ear.

"YOU MADE ME SAY WHAT!"

"Well, it was about time one of you said something…."

"Stupid Dog!" Tohru just watched, very confused.

"W-what did Shigure-san do to you?"

"Nothing, Honda-san…nothing….."

"Why don't you just call her Tohru-kun?"

"Haru! You're back! What happened?" Nobody noticed that Tohru had quietly skated away with Shigure following close behind. Things were about to get ugly.

Haru just shrugged. He looked a bit beaten up. Well, a lot. Looks like old man Cho had really taken things out on him.

"What do you mean? How bad is that guy?"

"Pretty bad. I would be surprised if Kyo got away this easy…."

"Ah, that bad, eh? Well, c'mon, let's get you bandaged up."

"But you still should call her Tohru-kun."

"STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!"

* * *

"Hello, Kagura-chan!"

"Tohru-kun! Hi! Is Kyo back yet….?"

"No…not yet. I hope he's alright." The two stood in an awkward silence for a minute, and then looked over to a couple on a bench.

"Koto-chan….please marry me!"

"Hmph! I will marry you when pigs fly!"

"Aww…that poor man," Tohru commented.

"Yes, he'll never have his love."

"Hey…but….Kagura-chan! Look! What's that?" Tohru pointed to the sky.

"FLYING PIGS!"

* * *

**A/N: Great ending, eh? xD I got this idea from….my head! I was like, "Dammit! What will I do w/ this story….?" And then this came! Enjoy…..**

**I'll have the next chappie out soon…….**

**Also, for those of you who reviewed last time, I AM going to read your stories! In fact, I will right now! xD**

**I know this chappie ish choppy... lol. xD Sorry about that. I have IDEAS for the next one! Yay! .**

**Laterzzzzz.**


	12. Heart Attacks and Hula Skirts

**A/N:**

**Oh Em Geeeee! –giggle- I'm like, finally on, like, chappie 12! Sorry. Moment there. I was just playing a burping game where every time you belch you have to say something INCREDIBLY girlish. Or for you manly mans….foppish. xD**

**I'm sorry this chapter (and the next) shall come out a bit late. School and music (ACID KISS! MY BAND! WOO! And, of course, the HOBO CLOWNS! DOUBLE WOO! And don't you asses steal either! P ) are taking up most of my time. Also, I've been grounded. Now, on w/ the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Furuba or any of its settings, characters, etc…. Just kidding. Well, not really. Damn. **

* * *

"FLYING PIGS!"

"Oh my God! Tohru-kun, I must have attracted them…..!"

"But will the man finally get his love?"

"Just look……" The woman was crying in his arms looking terrified, and he seemed as happy as he could possibly get.

"Either he got to feel her up, or they're gonna be married," Shigure appeared, gazing at the flying wonders with white, fluffy wings.

"Ah, Shii-chan!"

"Hello, Shigure-san. Did you know these _existed_? They're beautiful!" Tohru exclaimed, her smile dazzling.

"Not a clue. But _que sera sera _**(Did I spell that right?)**, right? Oh, but I haven't had pork in a while…." He trailed off, amused at Kagura's horrified face and Tohru's clueless ness.

"BITCH! WATCH WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO PEOPLE!" Kagura screamed, lunging at the novelist.

"Oooo, lucky me! I have girls chasing me….." Tohru watched, still wondering about the Dog's comment and watching the fight with great anxiety.

"Whatta you talkin' about, girls chasin' ya?"

"Oh….know…..not YOU again," Shigure groaned.

"YES me." The Dog looked up and saw, once again, Old Man Cho. His gangsta wife appeared behind him, too.

"This may be his last time, foo', to visit ya'll homies. I may use more then slang. I'm a psychic, for goddamn's sake! My underwear says "Medium". Hehe….and I sense my lover w'll have a heart attack and croak REAL soon. But hopefully not before he kicks you' a$$."

**(A/N: She's even gangsta like when spelling! xD Okay, maybe not. But I think that "Grills" is the most hilarious and stupid song on the planet. Rock on. Sorry for those of you who think otherwise; I'm just using da "freedom de SPEECE". Now to continue…)**

"I'll be the only girl chasin' you……I'll whoop your ass for bein' such a perv!" And so, just like the others, Shigure was gone, with a gangsta on his heels.

"Well….that was….odd," Kagura stated. Tohru just stared. They forgot about the flying pigs above them, even, until they heard a loud "BANG!". Both turned around quickly and both screamed. A scream of:

"YOU HORRIBLE PIG KILLER!" and:

"OH MY GOD!" were mixed. It was Cho with a gun, shooting all the winged pigs. Kagura went into rage, but couldn't get close enough to the old man when he started making a huge gasping noise. His gun dropped into the red snow, and he keeled over.

"I'm…havin'….a heart attack…..bleh," he groaned, falling over, "bleh" being his last word.

(**A/N: Lol. "Bleh." xD I would hate to have THAT as my last word. Although I guess it's more like a last sound. )**

"Did you know he COULD die?" Kagura asked, wide-eyed. "But he was being bad, shooting my own kind!"

"So…..his wife was right. That's so sad! We have to have a funeral for him…" Tohru cried.

"But if his wife was right, then that means that she IS psychic!"

"GASP!"

* * *

"Haru, where did you go?"

"Well, I was just given a lecture, basically. And a scratch."

"Then where did all this come from!" Yuki exclaimed wildly, making gestures at the numerous wounds on the Cow.

"I….got lost."

"Nice. But that still doesn't explain where these came from……"

"I was just walking around, trying to find my way back, when all of the sudden…..RABID COWS WERE CHASING ME. Foaming at the goddamn mouth and everything."

"…." Yuki just stared, a little shocked. Okay, just weirded out.

"They had hula skirts on."

"Are you sure you weren't just hallucinating?"

"Then where would I get the scratches?"

"Uhhhhhh………."

"Well, anyways, I tried to reason with them, but I ended up getting boomerangs made of cow bones thrown at me. They must be like the cow savages that everyone fears."

"…Umm…yeah. So how'd you get back?"

"I was unconscious, and a vision came to me. It told me to…..follow the yellow brick road. I woke up, and there was NO ROAD! So I just followed the shit pile road instead. It led me back here. And here I am…."

"………Well, at least you're not still lost."

* * *

**Author's Closing: So this chappie was weird too. Ah, well….get used to it. xD**

**But thanks to reviewers and others who shall come to review. I 3 you guys! X3**

**See ya next chapter!**


	13. Binjas

**Author's Intro:**

**God, already on 13! Man, I'm good. xD Okay, well, maybe not. But I didn't think I'd get this far.**

**I love you, reviewers! You warm my "Cold Heart"! (Or so my mom says…) Keep reviewing! I'm reading your stories at this moment! And reviewing…..**

**I don't think you care, but I have two things to say:**

**1) 13 is "unlucky", but not for me! And**

**2) Only a few more days of school for me! Whee! xD**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Furuba, it's characters…yeah. You get the point. Not like I would anyways….. . I think you should know that by now.**

* * *

"Uhhh….where are you taking me?" Shigure, for once, asked, terrified. You'd be scared too if some old lady was carrying you off somewhere to be possibly killed.

"You'll see….you'll see….." Cho's wife responded gruffly.

"You know, that doesn't help my nerves much."

"It's not supposed to. God, you're clueless." Right after she said this, however, she finished plowing through the snow and there was…….OPRAH'S DREAMS COME TRUE VAN!

"Who the hell is Oprah?"

"Some rich black lady."

"RACIST!" screeched a voice. A figure jumped over the HUGE, blue car and landed right in front of Cho's widow. It took the Dog a second to focus in on the intruder, but after a second he figured that THIS lady must have been Oprah, no matter how scary her appearance was. You see, the old lady we know and (possibly) love was dressed in a ninja suit.

(**A/N: Which, in REAL life, would be VERY disturbing, by the way. And sorry if I offend anyone. Just put it in your review and I'll reply.)**

It had the Naruto ninja logo on it, and was complete with (scary) spandex like material and a red sash around her waist.

"Ohh….God…." Shigure mumbled. This was going to be weird. The lady then thrust a huge piece of paper at him that was shaped like a ninja star.

"Read this! Now!" The Dog had no choice but to open the letter. It stated, in VERY fancy, computer made writing:

" Come to Oprah's Legends Ball tomorrow night! It's going to be a memorable night, so you better come! And the fact that if you don't, I'm gonna come and kill you in your sleep w/ REAL ninja stars."

"But why would I go to some dance hosted by someone I didn't know until today? And on top of that, found out that they're REALLY creepy?"

"BECAUSE I'LL SLICE YOU IN HALF!"

"Okay, I'll be there." And so, Shigure Sohma officially had plans for the next night.

* * *

"Hey, Honda-san. Have you noticed how dark it's getting?"

"Ummm….now that you mention it!"

"Shouldn't everyone be going home?"

"Yes. We should too. But I don't know where everyone is right now! How can we possibly go home?"

"I dunno. I guess we just have to wait. I think Haru's looking for Kyo and a few others, and Kisa, Hatori, and Hiro went home."

"Yes, so that makes Hatsuharu-san, Kyo-kun, Shigure-san, Ayame-san, and Kagura-chan. I can try to find Shigure-san if you'd like!"

"He's dangerous. You should find Kagura-chan. After the pig thing, she just slipped away." But Tohru had already left. _'Damn.'_

* * *

"Shigure-san! Where are you?" Shigure heard in Tohru's small voice.

"Tohru-kun! Over here! In the HUGE Oprah van!"

"What van?" Tohru wondered aloud, walking towards the Blue Car.

"RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! CAN'T YOU SEE IT!"

"No….."

"SH-H-H! You're the only one that can see the Magical "Dreams Come True" Oprah Van! Just…..say you were kidding to her and then say the words "Oprah's the greatest binja (black ninja) ever!" and you'll be out. But make sure to come back! Or I'll kill you," Oprah hissed in the Dog's ear.

"Uhh…okay."

"Who are you talking to, Shigure-san?"

"Hurry!" Oprah pushed.

"Oprah's the greatest binja ever!"

**-FLASH-**

"Shigure-san! Where did you come from?"

"Oh, just the bushes."

"But there ARE no bushes."

"Oh."

* * *

**Author's Closing:**

**Yess! New chappie out! . Again, I hope none of the stuff in here offends anyone. Just tell me. And REVIEW! 11 **

**I will have Oprah kill you if you don't. xD But not really.**

**The next chappie should be out soon! Buh-bye. .**


	14. The British Lemur and Winnie the Pooh

**Author's Preview:**

**Oooooohh! So many chapters! . And even more support. Thanks to all! –hugs and kisses- I love you guys! x 3**

**The Disclaimer……..**

**Don't. Own. Furuba. Shut up. . **

**I took a piccy of my friend flipping me off today. xD He looks like a ninja. Or a minja. (Midget ninja.)**

**Now to the story! **

* * *

"Kagura-chan! Where'd you go?" Yuki yelled, skating along the icy lake. "We have to go soon!"

'_God, I've been looking for her for hours! Or that's what it seems like…..where could the Boar have possibly gone!'_

"Ah! Yun-chan! Guess what!" The Boar suddenly appear from the snow, carrying a big bundle of cloth.

"KAGURA! Where were you! We have to leave!"

"Huh? Why?"

"Look at the sky!" The Pig turned her head up to the clouds. The Sun was beginning to go down.

"So? Isn't it pretty?"

"But if we wait too long, then it will be dark!"

"Fine, but you have to see this!"

"Well, whatever it is, it can wait! C'mon!"

"Yun-chan….." Kagura whined in a small voice.

"Fine. Just show whatever you have to me once we get back with the others."

"But it's important!"

"It can't be THAT important, just c'mon."

"IT'S IMPORTANT, DAMMIT!"

"Fine…." And with that, Kagura unwrapped an object that was protected by the folds of the cloth.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!"

"What do you mean, "What the hell is that"? It's so rude; nobody has EVER spoken to me like that!" said a voice with a twang of a British accent. Yuki's eyes were wide as saucers.

"Y-you can talk!" He stammered.

"Well, what does it look like? Now, Gura-chan, please let me down. I would like to see the young man."

"Of course!" Kagura answered, smiling. And out of the cloth, walking and talking like a normal human, came a lemur.

"Let me introduce myself. I am Rupert the ring tailed lemur. Please to me your acquaintance….Mr…….?"

"Sohma, Yuki." The Rat answered, shaking.

**(A/N: No, I didn't get the name "Rupert" off of the guy who plays Ron Weasley in HP. Just for the record.)**

"Ah. Do you have a spot of tea anywhere around here?" Rupert questioned, looking behind Kagura.

"No, Rupert-san, I'm afraid we don't. Remember? I told you we were at an ICE SKATING RINK," Kagura explained, looking a bit annoyed.

"So….Kagura….what do you plan to do with Rupert?" Yuki asked the smiling Boar.

"Hmmm? I think I'll take him home!"

"But we don't have enough room! And what would Akito-san think!"

"Oh…." Kagura nodded, bowing her head. The Lemur just watched with curiousity.

"And we don't even have a car! Hatori took it home with him when he dropped off Kisa and Hiro."

"You're not planning on giving me up to those Animal Control freaks, are you?" Rupert nervously asked.

"Of course not!"

"KAGURA!"

"Yun-chan, but then where would he go? H-how can you be so cruel….?" The Pig burst into tears, leaving Yuki awkwardly standing in front of her.

"See what you've done, lad? Made a girl cry, that's what! How terrible!" And with that, an enraged Rupert jumped up and bit Yuki's pale hand.

"Owwww! What the…!"

"You're not getting away with this one!" the Lemur yelled through clamped teeth.

* * *

"There you are, Momiji. C'mon, Tohru's waiting for you…" Haru breathed to the Rabbit.

"Oooo! She is? Well, let's go then!"

"'Kay……"

"There she is! Tooooohruuuuu! Over here!"

"Momiji-kun! Is that you?" Tohru yelled. He raced over to her, arms wide open.

"Wheeeee!" he squealed, right before jumped on Tohru, and turning into a Rabbit. Shigure looked to the Oprah Van. Had she seen Momiji transform? From the look on her face, she had. The Dog groaned inwardly. He'd have to go see her…..

"Uhh….I'll be right back," Shigure stated, his usual confidence a bit lower than usual.

* * *

"O-Oprah! Are you there!" the Dog yelled, walking into the vast Blue Van.

"Yeah, I'm here. Does your family transform into animals, too?"

"……What?" Shigure asked, clearly puzzled.

"Yeah! My family transforms into the animals from Winnie the Pooh! Haha! What a coincidence….."

"Sure….and what the heck's Winnie the Pooh?"

"…..Let's come back to that, shall we?"

"Okay….."

* * *

**Author's Closing:**

**Why are my endings always so weird! Ack! . **

**I should have one more chapter out before June 4th, but if I don't, then it won't be out for a while; I'm gonna be in Japan from the 4th to the 14th! Just to let you know. I haven't given up on my fans yet! xD**

**Oh, and you may be possibly interested in my new story, "Switching Confinement". It's KxT, and a Drama/Romance! Just in case. .**

**Laterzzzz.**

**E.**


	15. The Call of the Oh per uh

**Hello again! .**

**There are some of you who said: "This is confusing!" and I can relate. This story is kinda jumbled. It SHALL get less confusing! Hopefully. Maybe. And if not, then please enjoy the puzzling randomness! And wish me luck in coming up with more ideas!**

**Summer is now HERE! For me at least. I shall be able to write more! Whoop!**

**I am now obsessed with the internet comic "Megatokyo". Go figure, and PH34R T3H L33T5P34K! Or, if you want to be complex, "Pl-l34r +3l-l l33+5P34l !". Now, I got THAT out of my system…. xD**

**Here is da chappie:

* * *

**

"Owwww! Get off of me, you stupid lemur!" Yuki shouted, wincing in pain. He didn't know that lemurs COULD bite.

_'Or maybe they're not even supposed to! He can talk, after all……'_

"It's okay, Rupert-kun….you can stop biting Yun-chan. After all, I can kick his ass on my own," Kagura exclaimed to Rupert with a perfectly straight face. Ironically. Maybe.

"Fine…" The Lemur grumbled, and let go of the Rat's hand. It started bleeding almost immediately.

"Oww….this may need a bandage, Kagura. Do you know where one is?" Yuki whined. Kagura shook her head, and Yuki looked around for anyone to help him. That's when he noticed… THEM.

"Kagura-chan….is this natural…?" Yuki asked anxiously, spinning around. Rupert smirked. People, and animals, from everywhere within a mile of the lake, were walking slowly towards them. The one closest to them, now closing in, grinned.

Fangs. Sharp, bloody fangs shifted out of his mouth.

"My minions! Come, feast on this young blood!" Rupert yelled, jumping happily around. Yuki and Kagura looked around. They were trapped.

"Uh-oh….." They whispered in unison. This would not be pretty.

* * *

"Hatsuharu-san, where did Shigure-san go?" Tohru wondered aloud to the Cow. 

"I think he mentioned something about…."Oh-per-uh" or something. But he mumbled it. I've heard of Oh-per-uh. She's some black lady—" Haru didn't get to finish, though, because he suddenly heard a shout that would make trees crack, if there were any present.

"RACIST!" the yell echoed in the air. Everything was briefly silent, like the affect of someone shooting off a bullet.

"Haru, what was that?" Momiji asked innocently.

"The Call of the Oh-per-uh. She'll be arriving shortly."

"Oh….."

"Per-uh." Haru finished for the Rabbit.

"I-I think I see something in the distance! In the sky! Hatsuharu-san! Is it a bird?" Tohru screamed.

"Is it a plane?" Momiji cried with excitement.

"No, it's Oh-per-uh. And Shigure. On a flying ass." Haru explained.

"A…what?" Tohru and Momiji asked at the same time.

"A flying ass. A flying donkey. Same thing."

"Ohh…." They whispered, wide-eyed in amazement at the giant donkey flying through the air towards them. It soon landed.

"At least we're all together again," Tohru sighed. This was turning out to be a complex trip.

* * *

"Hello Tohru-chan, Momiji-kun, and RACIST," Oprah greeted, still ninja-clad, stepping off the donkey. Taking a closer look, any American could realize that this beast was, in fact, Eeyore. Pink bow and all. But there, in Japan, only Shigure and Oprah knew. 

"Wow…..how did Oh-per-uh know my name?" Tohru questioned Momiji. He just shrugged his shoulders, indicating that he was wondering the same thing.

"Hi…" Shigure greeted, smiling nervously. In the Oprah Van, he had magically changed back into a kimono.

"Shigure-san! I didn't know you were friends with Oprah-sama!" Tohru greeted, helping him off Eeyore.

"Be careful with the Donkey! He's my cousin twice removed!" Oprah yelled at Tohru warningly. "I can kill you with my magical ninja moves, you know!"

"Your family is made up of asses?" Haru asked, looking bored. _'I wouldn't be surprised…'_ he added mentally.

"NO! Some of them just turn into the animals from Winnie the Pooh. Don't laugh! Or I will show no mercy!"

"I didn't laugh."

"Dammit…." Oprah grumbled. "I really wanted to kill someone right about now." All of the sudden, Kyo popped up out of nowhere.

"You may get your wish, lady. Look over there," the Cat stated, pointing behind him. Hundreds of people and creatures, all showing bloody fangs, were walking around, either towards them, or towards two people…..

Tohru squinted her eyes. Gray hair…..an orange kitty bag….

"Kagura-chan and Yuki-kun!"

* * *

**Author's Closing:**

**Whee! Quick chappie! This will be the last one out before Japan. Remember, I'm gone the 4th to the 14th. It'll be my break, my vacation! **

**I love you guys (and chicks). I'll see ya later!**

**E.**


	16. Lemur is in Peril

**Author's Intro:**

**While I'm starting to write this, I'm thinking "Damn, it must of hurt like shiz to get your feet binded!" . The tradition in China/Japan (I think Japan was included, but I'm not sure) was to soak girls' feet before breaking and molding them in terrible ways (I have a whole book on it; the bare feet pics ARE NOT pretty). This was to make their feet soft so shaping them would be easier. Sometimes, in certain areas of the country, the people would cut open a live sheep's stomach and PUT THE GIRL'S FEET IN IT! While the poor thing was still alive, too. . EWWWWWWW!**

**But enough of E's gross learning. I like learning about stuff like that, which is odd. I don't like the fact that it happened, but I love learning about the past in that context. T.T**

**Blah blah Disclaimer….blah blah. Yeah.

* * *

**

"Hey, Kagura-chan, is that….Haru and Kyo over there?" Yuki asked, squinting to see figures in the distance more clearly. "It has to be them! Look at their hair!"

"I think so! And there's….Shii-chan, Tohru-kun, Momiji-kun, and….someone else. An elderly lady in….oh….ew," Kagura finished, seeing the Spandex on Oprah. "I think Tohru-chan sees us! Wave your arms! We need help!" The pair raised their arms up, and soon saw the group far away get on top of….something….strange.

"A donkey?"Yuki, amazed, stated.

"I-I think so!"

"It's…tail….it's….FALLING!" Yuki yelled, grabbing the Boar's hand and running. Indeed, Eeyore's pinned on giant tail had started to fall off, right when he was above them. The pin landed right into the ice, causing a huge crack that grew….and grew….

* * *

"Nooo! My army of vampire minions!" Rupert cried in agony, as a few of the people slipped and slid across the ice, landing safely in the snow. 

Meanwhile, the Sohma's finally were all together again, along with Eeyore, Tohru, and Oprah. But Tohru's practically a Sohma now anyways, right?

"Rupert! My pet Lemur! How DID you get out of your cage?" Oprah suddenly yelled across the pond. "We can't have you get out of your cage with that World Domination disorder, can we? Plus, it seems that you've made an attraction for blood, as well. This can't be healthy…just c'mon.," Oprah coaxed. Bared teeth from Rupert was the response.

"I WILL NOT come back! I hated those prissy pink pillows and bonnets! Vampires suit me better. You see, I met this young teen….goes by "Buffy", and I saw what she was fighting. They looked so…cool and EVIL! So I killed her and now, I have my minions. But you're not supposed to know that…." Rupert explained.

"Ah, so THAT'S how it happened. Veeery interesting……" Oprah thought aloud.

"But now I shall kill you! Haha! Servants…..attack!" Rupert screamed, pointing at the gang. Oprah flicked out her ninja stars and took a fighting stance. She ran…and……

"Oi! No weapons are allowed on this rink!" A fat man in a police suit came running up to the scene. "I'll have to arrest both of you! …..Oh! Ms. Oprah! I'm sorry…..but I will have to arrest this…..little fuzzy thing. Yes, yes."

"Yes, thank you, sir! And protect the rights of women!" Oprah happily yelled after the man.

"Uh….sure…." he mumbled, bagging the struggling animal. He put it into the police car, got in, and drove off, his siren playing "Oops, I did it Again" all the way back to the Police Station.

* * *

"Well, that's taken care of!" Oprah concluded. "And, for your help, I want you all to come to my Ball tomorrow night!" 

"Yes, Oh-per-uh-san!" Tohru and Momiji exclaimed in unison. Everyone else took a bit longer to react to the sudden invitation, but eventually showed the sign of "yes" being the answer. Nobody wanted to get sliced to pieces. But there was one that didn't yet agree….one that was too stubborn…and that one was Kyo Sohma.

"Why should I go to some weird dance that I don't care about?" He exclaimed, stepping through the crowd to get to the woman.

"Because, Kyo, you'll get to see Tohru in a pretty dress! And you could DANCE with her!" Momiji yelled from the crowd. Kyo's face turned red.

"Stupid Rabbit…." He muttered under his breath.

"AND.." Oprah started menacingly, "because I shall use you as a dartboard if you don't! C'mon, I'm getting a reputation here! This'll be on T.V.!"

"It will be on _television_?" Shigure asked slyly, slicking his dark hair back and not giving Kyo a chance to respond. "Then we MUST attend this wonderful Ball! Come on now, I have to buy you all nice clothes! Hatoriiii! I need you to give us a ride home!" The Dog yelled to the air.

"Just use my cell phone, Gure-san!" Ayame popped up from the crowd.

"WHEN DID YOU GET HERE!" Kyo yelled at the Snake.

"Oh…just now. I had some trouble getting that filthy woman to stop trying to bite my neck. She had _terrible_ teeth! Just like fangs!" He responded in a matter-of-fact kind of voice.

"God….damn…you are stupid," Kyo grumbled at the grey haired man.

"Ooo! Aaya! I would be _honored_ to use your phone. My love for you expresses that gratitude!" Shigure richly spoke, dialing in the Dragon's number on Aaya's mobile phone.

"Let me talk, Gure-san!"

"Yes, Aaya."

* * *

"Hello?" Hatori's voice sounded through the cell phone. 

"Tori-san! It's me, your beloved Ayame!" Aaya drawled, waving his hands and arms grandly while speaking into the phone.

"Yes, what do you need?" Hatori stated blandly.

"We need a ride home, Tori-san! We are stranded!" Ayame cried.

"Okay. Kisa's almost sober, so I'll be there soon."

"What? Kisa got drunk?" Aaya said a little too loudly.

"No. Goodbye."

-Click-

* * *

**Author's Closing:**

**Shweet! Now, if I can, I'll post this WHILE I'm in Japan. Hehe…. xD**

**Thanks to everyone who reviews and reads this nonsense! Hope it was funny, though... .**

**Sayonara!**

**E.**


	17. Dresses with Opinions

**I'm back….after so long! xD**

**The story's starting to come to an end…. –sniff- It'll be my first completed story that had more that one chapter! .**

**But it's not over yet! This chapter won't be the last.**

**But I hope it'll be funny 'til the end. Enjoy the randomness.**

**And I hope I can get this chapter out soon; my mum has to troubleshoot our stupid computer, and that can take a while. . **

**Disclaimer….blah….I don't own anything. I don't even have a DVD. xD**

**On with the story….

* * *

**

"Kisa's been DRINKING!" everyone present except for Ayame, Tohru, and Shigure yelled.

"Ooops….I mean, of course not! I simply misunderstood Tori-san! He said 'I have to pee', not 'Kisa's been drinking' or anything of that sort!" Ayame quickly covered up nervously.

Tohru let out a long sigh as everybody shrugged.

"Tori-san WILL be coming to pick us up, though. Just wait a bit, he said," Ayame explained. And, right on time, Hatori's car pulled up. Kisa was with him, smiling and waving at everyone.

"Onee-chan!"

"Kisaaaa-chan!"

Hearts were everywhere.

Everyone managed to get back, only after a few hundred speeding tickets, of course. Shigure kept randomly stepping on the gas pedal.

* * *

"Now, tomorrow I shall take all of you shopping for some nice clothes for tomorrow night. No objections, dear Tohru-kun!" Shigure announced, seeing Tohru's flustered face. She smiled weakly.

* * *

"This dress is pretty, Honda-san," Yuki mentioned, pointing at a fluffy, blue dress. 

"Oh, that is pretty! But Kyo also showed me a nice orange one…" Tohru laughed. "I think this pink dress will do. Hana-chan told me about it…"

Everyone was out shopping; Saki and Arisa had agreed to go along with Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo.

"This Oh-per-uh lady sounds kinda psycho to me," Arisa stated, looking through the racks of clothes. "I'm not sure that you should go to her party."

"YOU'RE GOING TO OPRAH'S LEGENDS BALL?" a voice shouted out of the air.

"What the hell was that!" Kyo muttered, looking around.

"Me! And Jim, Bob, Tim, Electra, and Dave," the voice spoke once again.

"Well, can you come out of hiding so that we can SEE you?" Yuki asked, also searching for the mysterious speaker.

"We're right in front of you!"

"What?" Arisa breathed doubtfully.

"I sense their waves….somewhere very near, Tohru-chan. Be careful," Hana added, closing her eyelids and concentrating. "They're everywhere. Right in front of us. But….there's nobody here," she finished, opening her eyes.

"I-I'm scared….please come out!" Tohru coaxed.

"We can't! You see, we are the dresses. Like the lady said, we are all around you. AND WE LOOOOVE OPRAH! We are her OFFICIAL fanclub. Oh, to have the opportunity to be worn by her…." Bob, the pink dress sighed.

"T-that sounds a bit….wrong," Kyo twitched. "Do you have eyes?"

"Of course! EVERYWHERE….hehe…..hey, short girl. You should try me on…." Bob went on. As you can imagine, everyone present's eyes went blank as they realized what was being said…and what it meant.

"PERVERT DRESS! AGH!" Arisa yelled. She reached her hand into a nonexistent pocket and whipped out her bloody metal pipe, holding it like you would a baseball bat ready for action.

Yuki's brow furrowed, as if trying to use telepathy to kill the thing within the gown.

Kyo's fists balled, and words that sounded like "Perverted bastard" escaped him.

"OOOWWWWWW!" Bob screamed, causing everyone in the store to stare in it's direction. "Sharp…PAIN…"

"Sorry, my mistake," Hana smiled. Tohru….stood still. Arisa attacked.

It must of looked pretty funny; a teenage girl, a Yankee, to be whacking a frilly pink dress with a bloody stick. It didn't look so funny to the manager.

He stepped out of his office….

It was……..

Jesse McCartney.

"OMG! It's Jesse McCartney!" Electra screeched.

"RUUUUN!" Uotani yelled, racing for the door to the store.

* * *

"What was that about?" Kyo huffed once the gang was outside. 

"Well…." Arisa started, "I saw him once before. In an alleyway. With Elmo. That little red, fuzzy thing with those glowing eyes, ya know? But anyways, I asked 'em what they were doin' on my gang's turf. And….they started singing. Way out of tune…and not in sync. Then Barney showed up and started singing too! Ya know…'I love you, you love me..' that song. And…he pulled out a goat…..and started making rapid love to it."

"O.O"

* * *

**Author's Closing:**

**My mind went blank for a while. Just sitting there….thinking (and probably saying) "What should Jesse McCartney have to do?" I dunno much about him, so I couldn't make too many jokes without risking them being false.**

**Also, I was going to use Otto from "A Fish Called Wanda" ("Don't call me stupid!"), but not enough people would of gotten it. xP**

**Sorry about that. xD**

**But hope you enjoyed anyways.**

**Review….please….**

**Laterzzz. **

**E.**


	18. The BIMBO Rap

**Author's Intro:**

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in so long. I really have no excuse. Gomen nasai (times infinity).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba. Or course, you probably knew that already. But I own some fruit. And probably a basket.**

**On with it!

* * *

**

By the time that everyone got to Oprah's Legends Ball, T.V. cameras were everywhere. They even filmed the Sohma family climbing out of their car.

"I wonder why Oh-per-uh-san decided to host the Legends Ball in Japan," Momiji wondered, speaking to Tohru as they walked up a long, red carpet, cameras flashing everywhere.

"What is this place?" Kyo asked, flinching every time a photo was taken.

"It's a fancy party with famous people, stupid Cat," Yuki muttered, annoyed at his cousin and the people staring at him and the rest of the group.

* * *

They walked inside, greeted by a man in a suit. 

"May I take your coat, sir?" He asked Kyo, who frowned.

"No, you can't have my coat. What do you think, you can just steal it from me like that?" he growled, walking past him. The man shrugged.

* * *

Oprah greeted them, her arms wide open. She was wearing a dark blue gown that had a red ninja belt and a white ninja star embroidered on her chest. 

"I'm so glad you came! You know, I only had to kill two people. That means that 1,998 came!" she smiled, hugging Tohru.

"W-who did you have to kill?" Shigure nervously asked.

"Oh, just Cameron Diaz and Usher. But I'm not sure why I invited them anyways," she sighed, shrugging. "Anyways, come on in! I want you to come with me and meet my ninja squad."

The group walked through what seemed like millions of people, before coming to the back of the room. Oprah stopped, turned to face everyone, and whistled.

"COME ON OUT, NINJAS! I WANT YOU TO MEET SOMEBODY!" she yelled.

Everybody waited. And waited. And waited.

Then, all of the sudden, a bunch of blurs swooped downward. They were….

**Oprah's Ninja Troop of Famousness.**

Each had on an identical blue uniform, complete with a ninja belt and hood. Each had a huge "B.I.M.B.O." embroidered on their backs.

It stood for "Binjas Individually Ministering (to) Beloved Oprah".

"They even have theme song that they sing themselves!" the woman cried, motioning for them to start. And they began on her cue.

"We are the "Bimbos" serving our Queen."

"She fed us"

"Trained us"

"And always"

"Keeps us cleeeaaan!"

"We used to want to be businessmen caring for no one,"

"But now Oprah has shown us the way,"

"And made it very fuuun!"

They started, singing in a joyful, rhythmic way, almost to the same melody as the "Barney" theme music. Then they all paused, and one of the people, a man, ran out of the large group. They all started dancing, and he rapped.

"Yo, my name is Tim, and I'll tell you my story.

Three years ago my life was so dull and boring,

I had no bling, no pride, no friends

Until Oprah let me start life over again.

She made me fit and sexy, gave me a grill,

And after a workout she let me go and chill.

I love her like a mother,

That I can't deny,

So go see her today

And let your inner ninja fly!"

He ran back into the crowd, and a tall woman replaced him. By this time, almost all of the Juunishi (and Tohru, of course) were clapping and smiling, swaying to the beat.

"Now my name is Laura,

And you can't beat that,

I'll bet you lots

That my rhymes are phat.

Oprah knows they are,

She found that while we were in my car,

So why don't you come up to me,

So I can see your face.

We'll have a rap off,

Any time and any place!

Like Tim,

Oprah brought me in,

Had me join the BIMBOS,

Let me learn and grow.

And you know the rest!

I'll be forever in debt!

To her….."

She sang the last two words, and then jumped back into the still dancing group.

They made a few more steps, and then stopped, bowing.

Everyone clapped.

"Aren't they great?" Oprah laughed, as the group of ninjas disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Yes, Oh-per-uh-san!" Tohru cried, along with agreements from nearly everyone else.

"Now let's go spike the punch!" Shigure yelled, and he was followed to complete the task by Ayame and Haru.

"This is going to be a looong night," Hatori muttered, being dragged along by the Dog to "spice up" the drinks.

* * *

**Author's Closing:**

**I hoped you all liked the B.I.M.B.O. rap. I had fun coming up with it. x)**

**See ya next time!**

**E.**


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